Lesson Eight - Self Control / Mastering Ones Self

Page - 1..,Continue >  2.., 3.., 4...

​

​

IN the preceding lesson you learned of the value of enthusiasm. You also learned how to generate enthusiasm and how to transmit its influence to others, through the principle of suggestion.

 

You come, now, to the study of self-control, through which you may direct your enthusiasm to constructive ends.

 

Without self-control enthusiasm resembles the unharnessed lightning of an electrical storm - it may strike anywhere; it may destroy life and property.

 

Enthusiasm is the vital quality that arouses you to action, while self-control is the balance wheel that directs your action so that it will build up and not tear down. To be a person who is well "balanced," you must be a person in whom enthusiasm and self-control are equalized.

 

A survey which I have just completed of the 160,000 adult inmates of the penitentiaries of the United States discloses the startling fact that ninetytwo per cent of these unfortunate men and women are in prison because they lacked the necessary selfcontrol to direct their energies constructively.

 

Read the foregoing paragraph again; it is authentic, it is startling!

 

It is a fact that the majority of a man's griefs come about through lack of self-control. The holy scriptures are full of admonition in support of selfcontrol. They even urge us to love our enemies and to forgive those who injure us.

 

The law of non-resistance runs, like a golden cord, throughout the Bible. Study the records of those whom the world calls great, and observe that every one of them possesses this quality of self-control!

 

For example, study the characteristics of our own immortal Lincoln. In the midst of his most trying hours he exercised patience, poise and self-control. These were some of the qualities which made him the great man that he was.

 

He found disloyalty in some of the members of his cabinet; but, for the reason that this disloyalty was toward him, personally, and because those in whom he found it had qualities which made them valuable to his country, Lincoln exercised self-control and disregarded the objectionable qualities.

 

How many men do you know who have selfcontrol to equal this?

 

In language more forceful than it was polished, Billy Sunday exclaimed from the pulpit: "There is something as rotten as hell about the man who is always trying to show some other fellow up!" I wonder if the "devil" didn't yell, "Amen, brother!" when Billy made that statement?

 

However, self-control becomes an important factor in this Course on the Law of Success, not so much because lack of it works hardships on those who become its victims, as for the reason that those who do not exercise it suffer the loss of a great power which they need in their struggle for achievement of their definite chief aim.

 

If you neglect to exercise self-control,

you are not only likely to injure others,

but you are sure to injure yourself!

 

During the early part of my public career I discovered what havoc lack of self-control was playing in my life, and this discovery came about through a very commonplace incident. (I believe it not out of place here to digress by making the statement that most of the great truths of life are wrapped up in the ordinary, commonplace events of every-day life.) This discovery taught me one of the most important lessons I have ever learned.

 

It came about in this way: One day, in the building in which I had my office, the janitor and I had a misunderstanding. This led to a most violent form of mutual dislike between us.

 

As a means of showing his contempt for me, this janitor would switch off the electric lights of the building when he knew that I was there alone at work in my study. This happened on several occasions until I finally decided to "strike back."

 

My opportunity came one Sunday when I came to my study to prepare an address that I had to deliver the following night. I had hardly seated myself at my desk when off went the lights. I jumped to my feet and ran toward the basement of the building where I knew I would find the janitor.

 

When I arrived, I found him busily engaged, shoveling coal into the furnace, and whistling as though nothing unusual had happened.

 

Without ceremony I pitched into him, and for five minutes I hurled adjectives at him which were hotter than the fire that he was feeding. Finally, I ran out of words and had to slow down.

 

Then he straightened himself up, looked back over his shoulder, and in a calm, smooth tone of voice that was full of poise and self-control, and with a smile on his face that reached from ear to ear, he said: "Why, you-all's just a little bit excited this morning, ain't you?"

 

That remark cut as though it had been a stiletto. Imagine my feelings as I stood there before an illiterate man who could neither read nor write, but who, despite this handicap, had defeated me in a duel that had been fought on grounds - and with a weapon - of my own choice.

 

My conscience pointed an accusing finger at me. I knew that not only had I been defeated but, what was worse, I knew that I was the aggressor and that I was in the wrong, which only served to intensify my humiliation.

 

Not only did my conscience point an accusing finger at me, but it placed some very embarrassing thoughts in my mind; it mocked me and it tantalized me.

 

There I stood, a boasted student of advanced psychology, an exponent of the Golden Rule philosophy, having at least a fair acquaintance with the works of Shakespeare, Socrates, Plato, Emerson and the Bible; while facing me stood a man who knew nothing of literature or of philosophy, but who had, despite this lack of knowledge, whipped me in a battle of words.

 

I turned and went back to my office as rapidly as I could go. There was nothing else for me to do.

 

As I began to think the matter over I saw my mistake, but, true to nature, I was reluctant to do that which I knew must be done to right the wrong. I knew that I would have to apologize to that man before I could place myself at peace in my own heart, much less with him. Finally, I made up my mind to go back down to the basement and suffer this humility which I knew I had to undergo.

 

The decision was not easily reached, nor did I reach it quickly. I started down, but I walked more slowly than I had when I went down the first trip. I was trying to think how I would make the second approach so as to suffer the least humiliation possible.

 

When I got to the basement I called to the janitor to come over to the door. In a calm, kindly tone of voice he asked: "What do you wish this time?" I informed him that I had come back to apologize for the wrong I had done, if he would permit me to do so. Again that smile spread all over his face as he said: "For the love of the Lord, you don't have to apologize. Nobody heard you except these four walls and you and me. I ain't going to tell it and I know you ain't going to tell it, so just forget it." And that remark hurt more than his first one, for he had not only expressed a willingness to forgive me, but he had actually indicated his willingness to help me cover the incident up, so it would not become known and do me an injury. 

 

I walked over to him and took him by the hand. I shook with more than my hand - I shook with my heart - and as I walked back to my office I felt good for having summoned the courage with which to right the wrong I had done.

 

This is not the end of the story. It is only the beginning!

 

Following this incident, I made a resolution that I would never again place myself in a position in which another man, whether he be an illiterate janitor or a man of letters, could humiliate me because I had lost my self-control.

 

Following that resolution, a remarkable change began to take place in me. My pen began to take on greater power. My spoken words began to carry greater weight. I began to make more friends and fewer enemies among men of my acquaintance.

 

The incident marked one of the most important turningpoints of my life. It taught me that no man can control others unless he first controls himself.

 

It gave me a clear conception of the philosophy back of these words, "Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad." It also gave me a clear conception of the law of non-resistance and helped me interpret many passages of the holy scriptures, bearing on the subject of this law, as I had never before interpreted them.

 

This incident placed in my hands the pass-key to a storehouse of knowledge that is illuminating and helpful in all that I do, and, later in life, when enemies sought to destroy me, it gave me a powerful weapon of defense that has never failed me.

 

Lack of self-control is the average salesman's most damaging weakness.

 

The prospective buyer says something that the salesman does not wish to hear, and, if he has not this quality of self-control, he will "strike back" with a counter remark that is fatal to his sale.

 

In one of the large department stores of Chicago I witnessed an incident that illustrated the importance of self-control.

 

A long line of women were in front of the "complaint" desk, telling their troubles and the store's faults to the young woman in charge. Some of the women were angry and unreasonable and some of them made very ugly remarks. The young woman at the desk received the disgruntled women without the slightest sign of resentment at their remarks. With a smile on her face she directed these women to the proper departments with such charming grace and poise that I marveled at her self-control.

 

Standing just back of her was another young woman who was making notations on slips of paper and passing them in front of her, as the women in the line unburdened their troubles. These slips of paper contained the gist of what the women in the line were saying, minus the "vitriolic coloring" and the anger. The smiling young woman at the desk who was "hearing" the complaints was stone deaf! Her assistant supplied her with all the necessary facts, though those slips of paper.

 

I was so impressed with the plan that I sought the manager of the store and interviewed him. He informed me that he had selected a deaf woman for one of the most trying and important positions in the store for the reason that he had not been able to find any other person with sufficient self-control to fill the place.

 

As I stood and watched that line of angry women, I observed what pleasant effect the smile of the young woman at the desk had upon them. They came before her growling like wolves and went away as meek and quiet as sheep. In fact some of them had "sheepish" looks on their faces as they left, because the young woman's self-control had made them ashamed of themselves.

 

Ever since I witnessed that scene, I have thought of the poise and self-control of that young woman at the desk every time I felt myself becoming irritated at remarks which I did not like, and often I have thought that everybody should have a set of "mental ear muffs" which they could slip over their ears at times.

 

Life is too short and there is too much constructive work to be done to justify us in
"striking back" at everyone who says that which we do not wish to hear.

 

In the practice of law I have observed a very clever trick that trial lawyers use when they wish to get a statement of facts from a belligerent witness who answers questions with the proverbial "I do not remember" or "I do not know." When everything else fails, they manage to make such a witness angry; and in this state of mind they cause him to lose his selfcontrol and make statements that he would not have made had he kept a "cool" head.

 

Most of us go through life with our "weather eye" cast skyward in quest of trouble. We usually find that for which we are looking.

 

In my travels I have been a student of men whom I have heard in conversation, and I have observed that practically nine out of every ten have so little self-control that they will "invite" themselves into the discussion of almost any subject that may be brought up. But few men are contented to sit and listen to a conversation without joining in and "airing" their views.

 

Once I was traveling from Albany to New York City by train. On the way down, the "Smoking Car Club" started a conversation about the late Richard Croker, who was then chief of Tammany Hall.

 

The discussion became loud and bitter. Everyone became angry except one old gentleman who was agitating the argument and taking a lively interest in it. He remained calm and seemed to enjoy all the mean things the others said about the "Tiger" of Tammany Hall.

 

Of course, I supposed that he was an enemy of the Tammany Chief, but he wasn't! He was Richard Croker, himself!

 

This was one of his clever tricks through which he found out what people thought of him and what his enemies' plans were.

 

Whatever else Richard Croker might have been, he was a man of self-control. Perhaps that is one reason why he remained undisputed boss of Tammany Hall as long as he did.

 

Men who control themselves usually boss the job, no matter what it may be.

​

Please read, again, the last sentence of the preceding paragraph, for it carries a subtle suggestion that might be of profit to you.

 

This is a commonplace incident, but it is in just such incidents that the great truths of life are hidden-hidden because the settings are ordinary and commonplace.

 

Not long ago I accompanied my wife on a "bargain hunting" bee. Our attention was attracted by a crowd of women who were elbowing each other out of the way in front of a petticoat counter at which "bargains" were being offered.

 

One lady who looked to be about forty-five years of age crawled on her hands and knees through the crowd and "bobbed" up in front of a customer who had engaged the attention of the saleswoman ahead of her. In a loud, high-pitched tone of voice she demanded attention.

 

The saleswoman was a diplomat who understood human nature; she also possessed self-control, for she smiled sweetly at the intruder and said: "Yes, Miss; I will be with you in a moment!" The intruder calmed herself!

 

I do not know whether it was the "Yes, Miss," or the sweet tone in which it was said that modified her attitude; but it was one or the other; perhaps it was both. I do know, however, that the saleswoman was rewarded for her self-control by the sale of three petticoats, and the happy "Miss" went away feeling much younger for the remark.

 

Roast turkey is a very popular dish, but overeating of it cost a friend of mine, who is in the printing business, a fifty thousand dollar order.

 

It happened the day after Thanksgiving, when I called at his office for the purpose of introducing him to a prominent Russian who had come to the United States to publish a book. The Russian spoke broken English and it was therefore hard for him to make himself easily understood.

 

During the interview he asked my printer friend a question which was mistaken as a reflection upon his ability as a printer. In an unguarded moment he countered with this remark: "The trouble with you Bolsheviks is that you look with suspicion on the remainder of the world just because of your own short-sightedness." My "Bolshevik" friend nudged me on the elbow and whispered: "The gentleman seems to be sick. We shall call again, when he is feeling better." But, he never called again. He placed his order with another printer, and I learned afterward that the profit on that order was more than $10,000.00! Ten thousand dollars seems a high price to pay for a plate of turkey, but that is the price that it cost my printer friend; for he offered me an apology for his conduct on the ground that his turkey dinner had given him indigestion and therefore he had lost his selfcontrol.

 

​

​

One of the largest chain store concerns in the world has adopted a unique, though effective, method of employing salespeople who have developed the essential quality of self-control which all successful salespeople must possess.

 

This concern has in its employ a very clever woman who visits department stores and other places where salespeople are employed and selects certain ones whom she believes to possess tact and self-control; but, to be sure of her judgment, she approaches these salespeople and has them show her their wares. She asks all sorts of questions that are designed to try their patience. If they stand the test, they are offered better positions; if they fail in the test, they have merely allowed a good opportunity to pass by without knowing it.

 

No doubt all people who refuse or neglect to exercise self-control are

literally turning opportunity after opportunity away without knowing it.

 

One day I was standing at the glove counter of a large retail store talking to a young man who was employed there. He was telling me that he had been with the store four years, but on account of the "short-sightedness" of the store, his services had not been appreciated and he was looking for another position.

 

In the midst of this conversation a customer walked up to him and asked to see some hats. He paid no attention to the customer's inquiry until he had finished telling me his troubles, despite the fact that the customer was obviously becoming impatient. Finally, he returned to the customer and said: "This isn't the hat department." When the customer inquired as to where he might find that department the young man replied: "Ask the floor-walker over there; he will direct you."

 

For four years this young man had been standing on top of a fine opportunity but he did not know it. He could have made a friend of every person whom he served in that store and these friends could have made him one of the most valuable men in the store, because they would have come back to trade with him.

 

"Snappy" answers to inquiring customers do not bring them back.

​

​

Lesson Eight - Self Control / Mastering Ones Self

Page - 1.., 2.., 3.., 4...